you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize