Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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