Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
