Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
