i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
