Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
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Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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