I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
