dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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