i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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