I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize