what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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