Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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