i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
