She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize