uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
