her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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