i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
