Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
