Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize