Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
