my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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