Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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