i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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