I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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