butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."