so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.