you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.