Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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