it was like eating out sand paper
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
