dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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