You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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