I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
