Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
