I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize