The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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