I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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