Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
