I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
