A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
