i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
