you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.