What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.