i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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