If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.