Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.