He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located