This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again