i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect