if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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