Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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