life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
