this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
