Im at strip club and am horny
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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