This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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