It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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