yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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