You can't special order awesome
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Please don't give away my fajitas
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
