if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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